Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Janet Yellen to become first woman head of the Federal Reserve. For her first action she will raise the interest rate to 9.78% but put it on sale for 6.73% to make it a good deal.

   I'm OCD but I worry that I'm not OCD enough.

   My uncle's dying wish - he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair.

   I should sell t-shirts "I survived the Polar Vortex of 2014"...

   Everyone up north, please post more pics of ice.

   Think my wife is a little OCD since whenever I go out with the kids I need to come home with the exact same amount.

   If by cold,, you mean my freezer is keeping things WARMER than the outside air temps,,, then yes it's cold...

   Polar vortex proof Mother nature is not having a gender identity crisis. In everyday terms that's cold hearted.

   However lonely you feel, you're never alone. [There are literally millions of bugs, mites and bacteria living in your house.] Goodnight.

   I wonder if when Ice Cube was in NWA he thought one day he'd play a cop in light hearted comedy

   I love intelligent women with high I.Q.s, but man it sure makes keeping track f the lies a pain in the ass..!

   Brace yourself...here comes all the closet Florida State fans & SEC haters.

   I saw a woman about to jump off a cliff. “You want to have sex first”, I said. She said, “no” so I said “OK, I’ll wait for you at the bottom!”

   Jameis Winston's trial has been overturned, because he is getting raped!

   Liking Your Own Status Is Like High Fiving Yourself..

   My bank balance is sinking faster than Scott Peterson's wife.

   Global Warming my half frozen ass!

   Illinois Governor Quinn has declared a state of disaster for Illinois.... It's been a disaster for a long time......

   I can see exactly 6 years into the future. I have 2020 vision.

   Was hating my job until I drove past a grown man dressed as a Taco on the side of the road. Thanks again Perspective