Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   We all end up as stories to be told long after we are gone. Some boring, some tragic, some exciting.

   They're called "The Wonder Years" because you wonder where they went.

   Seeking a naughty Valentine, private message me for details lol...

   You need to be slaves first before you can get your own History month.

   So if I wasn't mesmerized enough by the leggings you were wearing that you should not have been, you top it off with icing lined lips from who knows what you ate. Well played fellow traveler. Crazy the things you see when you stop for gas and lunch.

   LOOKING to hire someone full-time to take pictures of my food. Private message me if interested.

   A new study has found that women with larger butts live longer than men who mention it.

   I can't wait to be rich so I can price things from high to low instead of low to high on Ebay.

   My Facebook movie is already in the dollar bin at Walmart.

   As is the below me

   TV a silent weapon. It's the downfall ofsociety as we know it.

   I don't think my Neighbor's wife watches porn, I have been cleaning her pool for 3 hours now and she still hasn't invited me inside :/

   So, Some Congressmen want to force the Redskins to change their name?  They are just upset because their last decent season was 1491, the year before Columbus discovered America...

   If prisons let prisoners take their own mugshots, would they be called cellfies?

   I farted on my wallet, now I have gas money.

   I asked a lazy fellatio artist how her day went, she said (it kinda sucked)

   When is "White History" month?

   I flipped over to the History Channel, but that was in the past.

   if you don't like to cry to your woes tomorrow, don't laugh at someone's misery today.

   I'm a real down-to-earth kind of guy. Because, you know, gravity.