Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Can you and Jesus do us all a favour and go find a room.

   I LOVE THE DARK SIDE. They have cookies.

   I think every Taco Bell value meal should be called a "Number 2".

   When I was born God gave me two choices, I could either be good in bed or have a great memory..Sh !t I forgot what I was going to tell you.

   I LOVE JESUS!

   Hey Russia, you spelled Sushi wrong.

   I wont be alone on valentines day....I'll be spending it with 127.0.0.1

   A 15 year-old took gold in the Olympics and then there is me whose greatest accomplishment is getting up to 10 on flappy bird.

   Never ignore coincidence. Unless, of course, you’re busy. In which case, always ignore coincidence

   Stupid kidney stones ! I was just rubbing one out and shot the cat.

   If you can't do this job drunk, ..... get out of the business !

   And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger(anchor man roast)

   Shirley Temple died today. I just wish there was something I could drink to honor her.

   "There must be a very short line for your job."

   I hate people who write things on the internet that are passive-aggressively focused on a single person. You know who you are.

   I have a better idea. Why don't you just tell your boobs to stop staring at me?

   What else do you bring to the mix besides GREED?

   some ppls FaceBook movies went straight to Dvd..

   Your restraining order isn't going to keep me from eating the hair off your brush.

   I just accepted Jesus...to do my lawn for the next year