Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Coffee is that one friend who believes in you and always wants you to succeed.

   Of course she won the argument. She cried. - every guy ever

   she took off her sock & it looked like a pack of black & mild

   I overheard an old dude at the bar tell the bartender not to put ice in his drink because 'you'll bruise the scotch' Changed my life.

   i became a resentful, self centered, science freak egomaniac by joining atheist mingle

   If walking to car on a frozen driveway was in the olympics I would take the gold. So graceful when I almost fall down.

   "all dressed up and nowhere to go" atheist tombstone

   Twerking and Selfie have been added to the dictionary. Future and Optimism have been removed.

   Auto correct did me in. I've been seeing a girl who perspires a little when we have s-e-x. Hot. I typed, "Hi, sweety", and it changed it ti, "Hi, sweaty." Now she won't take my calls.

   Jesus Love You is a good thing to hear in church but a bad thing to hear in a Mexican prison.

   The Olympians stories are amazing.. The ukrainian whose whole family was killed, the korean who escaped slavery, the american who never had wifi.

   If you didn't want me looking in your bedroom why did you put your window at the same height as my ladder?

   It's so cold out I just saw a white person wearing tube socks with their shorts.

   I LOVE JESUS TOO...he's my mexican lover.

   Bruce Jenner looks like a FREAK ! Damn Dude, enough with the plastic surgery and hair implants...just grow old gracefully!

   I LOVE JESUS, you don't have to be a bitter atheist about it, I'm just expressing my sentiment with the majority of the people here. I LOVE JESUS

   Congratulations to Whitney Houston for being sober two years . . .

   mother nature... turning february into white history month...

   I think the Shriley Temple/Judy Garland status was a joke. The guy says oh.......AS#WIPE

   I bet the first guy to get his woman flowers was like, "What's something that'll start out beautiful, but quickly die like my relationship?"