Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   At least now I know the real reason why I've never been asked to play on a professional volleyball team...

   Your outfit says you work in an office, but your shoes say it might have a pole in it

   Life's tough. It's tougher if you're stupid...

   Beauty comes in all shapes & sizes. Small,large,circle,square,thin crust, thick crust,stuffed crust,extra toppings.

   I feel bad for lions at zoos. How would you feel if a bunch of pizzas came to your house, took your picture, and you couldn’t even eat them?

   Not all girls are made of sugar and spice and everything nice,I'm made of sarcasm, wine and everything fine

   A part of me wants to go on a diet and eat healthy.. Sadly that part of me is a liar

   Hey MWC, What about your pinis? Don't you feel bad about beating the only thing that ever stood up for you!!??

   Dear Social Media, thanks for showing me that I can like people. So long as I don't have to see, touch, or smell them.

   I told you a million times do not exaggerate!

   I love bacon because I can wrap it around everything. Essentially, it's the duct tape of food.

   But in dog beers, I only had one.

   Of course I still stalk you online I'm just making sure I don't miss the moment when karma finds you

   I spent the majority of the 80's waiting on cassettes to rewind.

   Oops, It slipped, wrong hole! But since I'm already here..... - MEN

   I bet you won’t judge the tattoos of the person saving your life.

   Why do only 50 percent of women go to heaven?..........because if they all went, it would be hell.

   If your dog is fat it means that you don't get enough exercise.

   I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: it before.

   I think I'll open a German delicatessen and call it "The Best of the Wurst."