Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Ladies, they're called "Skinny Jeans." Not "Makes You Skinny Jeans."

   I think states are over looking the Dr Kevorkian method. Enough said. . .

   People don't want to go outside when it is raining.. Scared your fake will wash off?

   Strangers can become best friends just as easy as best friends can become strangers.....

   Expensive jeans will NOT hide an expansive backside.

   My toenails taste different. Hope I'm not sick...

   Yeah... I may be old... But I'm still hot..... They just come in flashes now!

   Taking my wife to a wife swapping party tonight... Hoping to get a PS4 in return.

   I think I might have a natural immunity to Ebola. I get feverish, diarrhea and vomiting symptoms most Sunday mornings....

   Some days you just can't get home to your liquor fast enough

   Is it just me...., or does "Ebola" sound kind of like "Obama?"

   A woman's "I'll be ready in 5 minutes" is the same length of time as a man's "I'll be home in 5 minutes."

   My internet goes out more than I do

   The best part about being an adult is, nobody can tell you, you can't have ice cream for breakfast. . .

   My left buttcheek fell asleep. I'm Half-assing everything I do for the next ten minutes.....

   I am surprised no one has consulted Michael Jackson's doctor for advice on what drugs to use to for quick, painless executions.

   thinking of opening my own business... half sporting goods store and half hardware store. I could call it "Sport n' Wood".

   Make any conversation awkward by pulling out and starting a stopwatch without saying why you’re doing it.

   Never take advice from people on the Internet. Not even this.

   if noone comes from the future to stop you, how bad of a decision could it really be?