Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Dont go broke trying to look RICH. Act your wage!

   I don’t think my neighbor watches porn. She asked if I could fix her sink. I’ve been here for an hour and I’m still fixing her sink.

   There is nothing more painful than watching the new girl make the sandwiches at Subways.

   I might not be smarter than a 5th grader, but I can buy beer.

   I channel my white side when I'm approached by the cops..

   So, that's $27 million for ALS research? Feels great!!

   my vodka just did the ice bucket challenge.

   I've decided that I'm never going to get back to my original weight and I'm OK with that. After all, 6 lbs 7 oz. isn't a realistic expectation.

   ALS Foundation admits that only 27% of donations are used for research!!! How's that bucket of ice feel now?

   I hear 50 Cent and Floyd Mayweather are going to settle their feud in the ring. I'd actually pay to see that fight- I bet if I was lucky enough to catch one of 50 Cent's teeth I could sell it on eBay.

   50 Cent OR Floyd Mayweather Jnr - Let see which side Justin Beaver will choose

   Dating site for overweight people: All you can meet.

   GOOD NEWS EVERYONE,,, Comedy Central has just secured the rights to show all of the NY JETS regular season.

   I may be married to the sea, but I'm seeing 2 of the Great Lakes on the side,,, Yeah,, it's Erie how Superior they are.

   I bet Hell has the same toilet paper as airports.

   Fear does not prevent death. It prevents life

   Wedding cake…One last reminder of what it was like to shove something in her mouth.

   I'm in it for the long run, as long as running isn't involved.

   Michael Jackson could do a very realistic Thriller video right now.

   Relationship Status: After carefully weighing the options. Willing to give loneliness a try.