Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Dear radio and TV stations. There's a 100% likelihood I'm changing the station the second I hear a car commercial.

   Why are they called buildings, when they're already finished? Shouldn't they be called builts?

   If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?

   If you really want to get under someone's skin these days, just leave them a voicemail.

   I'm just here for the relationship advice from single people.

   A women's clothes tell you a lot about her mood. If they are on your bedroom floor, she's horny.

   "Kicking butt and forgetting names!" - Alzheimer's Fight Club

   Ladies, if all he does is make you cry then maybe you're dating an onion and not a man.

   it just me or has Aunt Jemima lost weight

   Kids, if you "can't afford tuition" because the payment on your new car is so much, you're doing it wrong...

   I'm sure the guy standing at the urinal next to me, regrets wearing those flip flops today.

   Why hasn't Head and Shoulders shampoo come out with a body wash called "Knees and Toes" ?

   If I drove a UPS truck there's a 100% chance I would fall out of the truck when I turned corners

   Come on ‪#‎Chevy‬ just one commercial break without Kid Rock

   If you think your job stinks, think about the kid that cleans the bathroom at Taco Bell

   It's only a matter of time before "Security Cameras of Wal-mart" becomes a reality show.

   If you think your job stinks, how would you like to be a member of the camera crew that has to follow the Kardashians 24/7.

   I thought I was wrong once but I was mistaken.

   If it's called Labor Day,why don't we work on labor day and have the rest of the year off?

   If a woman doesn't like a man using a coupon on the first date, she should offer to pay.