Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Congratulations on your internet fame! Now table six could really use some more coffee.

   It's so cute how you can throw balls right at kids faces in the Chuck E Cheese ball pit and they think you're just playing.

   *takes out one earbud* "not guilty, your honor"

   Throwing a surprise party for my girlfriend so just remember that on the count of three we all yell "SURPRISE YOU'RE NOW JOHN'S GIRLFRIEND"

   i don't understand the hype around iOS8, people update java and adobe flash player on a daily basis and don't tell everyone about it.

   That moment when she ask if you notice anything about her and you just can't find anything different about her, so you fake a seizure.

   PRO TIP: Date someone who doesn't drink vodka so she won't drink all of yours.

   If Peterson's kid didn't want to get spanked, then he shoudn't have misbehaved. He'll know better next time.

   Some of you women need to stay out of my dreams, oh sorry.. I meant fantasies. . .

   If Snoop Dog and Pitbull aren't playing the half time show of the puppy bowl this year,,, then someone has seriously dropped the ball.

   I wish people were more social on social sights. . .

   I, put commas, in, weird places, so that, you, read, my jokes, like William, Shatner.

   I think this whole "heck in a hand basket" thing started,, when no one noticed the fresh prince gets out of the taxi without paying.

   Love is in the air. Try not to breathe.

   I'll be your life coach. Stand up straight. Don't ever wear that in public. Speak properly. That will be 800 dollars. Cash.

   I'm feeling vulnerable tonight. I wasn't able to validate my personality with a BuzzFeed quiz today.

   I want to be buried with a Brontosaurus bone, so this way people will think that Dino (Flintstones) buried me...

   Happy Hallogivemas!!!!!! It's the time of year when the stores sell Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas stuff all on ONE aisle!

   I picked up my new iPhone today.......nah, just kidding......my droid had that technology two years ago

   England invaded us Scottish all those years ago and all you got was Michelle McManus, Men wearing skirts, fried mars bars and Asians with Scottish accent. However, we got Michelle Keegan, kelly brook, & warmer weather. Sounds like a good deal to me...