Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   It's funny how a baby who wakes to eat and goes right back to sleep is a good baby yet, this is is definition of a crummy husband!

   Women may never understand the enjoyment from putting a warm coffee mug between their legs in the morning. ‪#‎warmnuts

   Kim Kardashian's daughter must be wishing she was on that missing malaysian plane

   Beware the "filters on every selfie" woman.

   Never date a woman over 35 whose cats are named after fashion designers.

   "Don't try to understand everything. Sometimes it is not meant to be understood, just accepted"; it means, I need money, or I'm idiot, or I'm crazy.

   Walked into Walmart and met a woman who had one callus on her toe. Does that make her a unicorn? Imagine that You can see unicorns at Walmart

   Should Dave Ramsey's website take credit cards?.... I wonder...

   I sometimes wonder.... Is the word tofu, short for " tried-to-fool ya?"

   Life is more fun when you are on coffee or drunk.

   Kim Kardashian has already taught her daughter everything she knows.

   Look on the bright side Redskin fans...Anything is possible and maybe the Rams will trade three 1st round picks back for RGIII. ;)

   Life is great... I don't have kids, aids or ebola.

   I may have Alzheimer’s, but at least I don’t have Alzheimer’s

   "Correct me if I'm wrong but I'm not." - MEN

   The Google self-driving car should have an "I'm Feeling Lucky" button that drives you to a random location.

   Dear Curiosity: Just put down the gun and let's talk this out. -The Cat

   Math quiz! If I have 1 boss and she has 4 personalities. How much should I spend on her x-mas present ?

   Whoever cast J-Lo in the movie "Anaconda" was a genius because anacondas don't want none unless you got buns, hun.

   These feelings would go well with vodka.