Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Can anyone tell me how to become a illegal immigrant, their benefits are undeniably more superior to our own.

   Somewhere someone's therapist knows you.

   If you're happy and you know it, don't stop drinking.

   On a scale of Amanda Bynes to the woman who wants to marry Charles Manson, my cat only thinks I'm Gary Busey crazy.

   Charles Manson is getting married to a 26-year-old and I’m still single. I’ll never hear the end of it from my mother at thanks giving.

   Am I the only one hoping that grand jury decision in Ferguson Missouri lines up with my black Friday shopping plans?

   Nice try, but you're not getting rid of me that easily.

   You had me at "what does wrong hole mean"?

   Feeding my daughter cold pizza. She will be off to college soon and preparation is the key to success.

   I think I am beginning to understand Americans. I now know they love guns, blowjobs, masturbation, naps, not wearing pants, pizza, beer and a good murder.

   life's hard, get a helmet!

   Fat chicks and mopeds. Both fun to ride until your friends find out.

   I guess you could say it's my own fault for ignoring the words "directed by Tyler Perry"

   Most of the Ferguson folks these days seem to be white journalists desperately hoping for violence.

   [boarding an airplane in west Africa]... "Have you had any diarrhea in the last 24 hours?"..."Yes. I had 2 tablespoons before bed last night."

   FYI: All toilet seats can be heated toilet seats, if you push people off them and sit real fast.

   Do Canadians call the middle of Canada the midnorth??

   It's so cold in Canada the bank tellers wear ski masks!

   In response to recent rape allegations, TV Land has pulled all episodes of the Cosby Show off the air. My life is ruined.

   "Son, when I was your age we had to walk 50 miles uphill, in the snow with no shoes just to find out if hot, local singles were in the area"