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Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump
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What separates humans from the animals? The Mediterranean.
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12-20-2014 15:09 by
StonerDudee
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A woman just dropped a 20 dollar bill next to me. I thought, 'What would Jesus do?', so I turned it into wine ... Well, I bought wine.
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12-20-2014 15:04 by
StonerDudee
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IS has executed 100 foreigners trying to quit. Terrorists check in, but they don't check out.
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12-20-2014 14:03
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"His heart wasn't the only thing that was two sizes too small" ~ Mrs Grinch.
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12-20-2014 11:17 by
Michael
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Well, if you count Elmer Fudd singing "Kill the Wabbit" then yes, I do like opera.
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12-20-2014 08:15
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Been coughing all night & day, can't seem to stop. Guess I should go see a movie.
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12-20-2014 07:30 by
Nipper
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Michael Brown lived a thug life and died a thug death. Let it go.
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12-20-2014 01:52
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The gym is like church to some people. No matter what they do all week, they think they can erase it with one visit.
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12-19-2014 21:34
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Interestingly, if we invade North Korea because it caused us to miss a movie, that still won't be the worst reason we ever went to war.
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12-19-2014 13:15 by
Baddie
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Sorry about all the jokes I've made that you didn't like. If it's any consolation,, they were free & someday I'll die......
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12-19-2014 11:49 by
snotty
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Just to annoy my therapist, I’ll ask him; “so how does needing therapy after seeing me make you feel?"
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12-19-2014 09:03 by
Nipper
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Relationship Status: Intercepting blown kisses.
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12-19-2014 04:46 by
Baddie
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90% of socializing is wondering what to do with your hands when out in public.
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12-19-2014 04:44 by
Baddie
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Me: *kisses her on both cheeks goodbye* Cashier: That's really not necessary
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12-19-2014 04:42 by
Psycho
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Horoscope: Yes she got all your texts.
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12-19-2014 04:35 by
Kisstopher707
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One day girl, all those flashing lights and sirens will be for us.
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12-19-2014 04:34 by
Kisstopher707
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Please don't let the trainee make my burrito please don't let the trainee make my burrito please don't let the trainee make my burrito. Dammit the trainee is making my burrito.
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12-19-2014 04:28
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"But why?" - Me at weddings
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12-19-2014 04:24
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But Officer, that's just my medicinal sawed-off shotgun.
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12-19-2014 04:23 by
Baddie
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[breaks apart couple holding hands] You're free now
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12-19-2014 04:15 by
Psycho
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