Trump Filter: ON | OFF
Search Messages:
"Was the Golf War because Tiger Woods was a bad man? ~ My friends 9 year old daughter. Shout out to home schooling. 
Sometimes I spend whole meetings wondering how they got the big meeting table through the door.
how many Grammys has Kanye given to a deserving musician? The Answer: 0
Hey old people, you don't have to sign your name when you comment on a status. We know who said it.
Just ate a salad with a dinner fork. #ThugLife
A buffalo was talking on his cell phone. He ends the conversation by saying "Yeah, well I have to cut this short. These roaming charges are killing me."
Manti Te'o's girlfriend confirmed that Brian Williams was on the helicopter
If a tree falls in the woods and no one is around to hear it, will Brian Williams still claim he chopped it down?
Spider-Man is joining the Marvel Cinematic Universe...he will mate with Black Widow, and then she devours him afterwards.
A cop pulled me over this morning but let me go. Maybe these man boobs aren't all bad after all!
The only man in history to be called a jackass by the president of The United States is Kanye West
To the guy who named Meatloaf, thanks for all your hard work.
I was shocked when I heard the local Radio Shack is closing. Mostly because I had no idea we had one.
I'm a real stand up guy, just so long as you are a real bend over girl.
Not many people take kindly to me. I really like those kinds of people.
My new girlfiend is taking FOREVER to exist.
Not to brag, but I still owe Blockbuster $2.00 for not rewinding Weekend at Bernies.
According to this profuse bleeding from the roof of my mouth, I should have stopped at one bowl of Captain Crunch.
All I'm saying is that Schwarzenegger isn't the only one who woke up naked next to a dumpster in 1984.
"This just doesn't feel right" - me outside 