Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   There has been so much snow in Mass. that Elizabeth Warren is claiming to be an Eskimo

   Anyone knows when is Facebook sending us the W-2 form

   I try to take things one day at a time, but sometimes several days attack me all at once.

   Don't break somebody's heart. They only have one. Break their bones instead. They have 206 of those.

   I paid attention to the construction signs and got in the correct lane. You ignored them for miles and now you want me to let you in. Not gonna happen.

   If you fart in public just yell "Jet Power!" and walk faster.

   Women like taking boiling hot showers bec it reminds them were they came from , hell

   We need a national conversation on why we think we need to have all these national conversations.

   If you don't talk in a group chat for 5 minutes you miss 42 sets of plans and 56 arguments but if you say something you don't get a reply

   My signature dance move is trying to unstick my balls from my leg.

   Dog strollers are a thing if you were wondering where the trajectory of humanity is taking us.

   I just want what Paula Abdul and that cartoon cat had.

   If your girl ever says “tell me the truth and I won’t be mad” bro lie your ass off, cause she's lying her damn self

   The hardest part about dealing with rejection is that I end up liking them more for their ability to make great decisions.

   In sign language, the entire story of my life can be told with a series of face palms.

   If there is one thing I can't stand when I'm drunk, its up.

   Just once I would like a number between 1 and 10 think about me.

   "Shutting the hell up about your diet" is also low in calories.

   Trying to explain to my yoga teacher that I can't just "get rid of" this erection.

   I've decided to give up my pre-workout glass of prune juice.