Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   pulled my groin playing reindeer games!

   I'll believe Jimmy Carter's brain cancer is gone when I hear it from someone who doesn't have brain cancer.

   If Bill Cosby were black he'd be in jail by now.

   What happens when you solve a Rubik's cube? Does it explode into Skittles or am I wasting my time?

   This woman just flipped me off and I couldn't agree more.

   I heard Justin Bieber is going transgender to become a man. He is going to use the name Bruce Jenner. He has already been awarded 936 man of the year awards too

   Does a redhead with whiskey in her pocket qualify as rye n ginger?

   Forrest Gump forever changed the way I pronounce buttocks.

   "Kiss me" she said. "Kiss me like I've never been kissed before"....So I crammed my tongue up her nose.

   My retirement plan is just $1,000 & a plane ticket to wherever these kids are living on 15 cents a day..

   I'd lilke to thank my dealer for today, I'm halfway through my businesss day and haven't killed anyone. You sir are a true Hero.

   Lazy is as lazy doesn't.

   Eyebrows so big and arched, you think you're seeing double in St Louis

   over the river and through the woods, man this Uber driver is lost

   Gross. A stranger just smiled at me.

   My greatest fear is that I'll have on dirty underwear & the emergency first responders will just leave me to die... * I blame my mom for this

   Many moons ago,,, Apparently, We had more than one moon

   Stupid autocorrect always making me say things I didn't Nintendo.

   Some people are like clouds, when they go away, the day gets brigher.

   That's ok about the cancellation,, Cuz I went on a date with a dolphin today,, Yeah, we just clicked.