Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   It's weird to think that before Facebook and social media all these dumb thoughts stayed in people's heads = But that's none of my business.

   Take it from me: Don't try to redeem those "Free Blow Job" coupons after you divorce.

   Morning erections: Your body's way of saying "Battery charged 100% -- Unplug and play."

   Taylor Swift doesn't necessarily need 10 Grammy awards, when we have starving artists like Kanye West.

   Sometimes I wake up grumpy, other times I let my girlfriend sleep.

   You're not a model....you are just a white girl taking selfies in the mirror.

   "I watched the Grammys this week just to see Pitbull perform." --Said no one ever

   If you run into someone you know and they say "we should hang out sometime" just say "I'm ready to hang out right now" and watch them panic.

   Friend, Best Friend, Boyfriend, Girlfriend, Garlic Bread -- Only garlic bread has no "END". Garlic Bread will always stay by your side.

   Even God thinks Kanye West is an a$$hole.

   Pornhub should promise to plant a tree for every 100 videos watched....

   What?!?! When you miss someone's call but you call them back in 0.44735624 seconds and they don't answer.

   I wonder what hamsters would type on a keyboard: Free me from this prison that is my life.

   Times co-worker has mentioned she's a vegan today: 6. Times I've asked: 0.

   Reasons I check my voicemail... 1% to hear the message... 99% to get rid of that annoying icon.

   The last four letters in "American" are "I can." The last four letters in "Republican" are "I can." The last four letters in "Democrats" are "rats."

   I took four of my liberal friends to see the movie 13 Hours. And just to get the point across, I left them there.

   If pigs could vote they'd always vote for the guy who brings the food, even though he's the same one who will slaughter and eat them later.

   Some people you know were dropped on their heads as babies. Some were clearly thrown in the air, hit the ceiling fan, bounced off the wall and fell out the window.

   What type of tea do babies drink? Tit tea.