Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I don't take selfies too frequently because I'm not a baby dolphin killer

   We must take this country BACK to make it great again. Mill jobs for children! Full-body wool swimsuits for women! Tuberculosis for all!

   "As you get closer to the primary's reality has a way of intruding!" President Obama.

   My wife texted me that she was not wearing any underwear. When I got home she was mad at me because I hadn't done the laundry in two weeks.

   Maybe this comment wont be important for you guys here. Some of you will ignore it, most of yall wont bother to read and it'll go unnoticed along with some others. maybe I'll be criticized for this but I just want to let yall know I'm selling potatoes

   dear america, this years election is your IQ test. Right now it doesnt look good ... -the world

   We are about two elections away from deciding President by monster truck rally or burping contest.

   ..... Apparently Ben Carson did the best in tonight's Debate ....

   Leonardo DiCaprio grows a beard ... wins an Oscar. Apparently it makes a difference.

   ..... I Dunno about Grizzlies Mr. Obama .... But I'm pretty sure Black Bears Matter ....

   She wants to go steady she says, it will be great she said. Until she said, tell me your pass words. Over my dead body I said. . .

   Oscars so white, no fried chicken on the menu.

   I certainly hope the douche who stole my credit card enjoys his $14.03 shopping spree.

   Forget dancing like no one is watching. Dance like a toddler. They don't even care if there's music....

   If Bruce Jenner can win Woman of the Year, I see no reason why Sarah Jessica Parker can't win the Kentucky Derby. Giddy up!!!

   Some girls: "I hangout with guys, there's less drama." Guys: "I hangout with myself watching sports or Netflix. There's no drama and I don't have to wear pants."

   Where was this Mitt Romney during the last general election? Had he been like this he would be running for re-election this time

   The best thing about my phone screen shattering is that it now matches my dreams and aspirations for this Presdential election.

   Protip: Never mess with a man who leaves foam in a urinal.

   Can someone please post a picture of your breakfast for me.. to encourage me to get to make my own. . .