Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Sick & Tired of pants and responsibilities.

   Had to take the batteries out of my carbon monoxide alarm tonight...The loud beeping was giving me a headache and making me feel sick and dizzy!

   ..... I don't think accepting tens of millions of dollars from foreign entities is really the best qualification for a person seeking to become President of the United States.

   Politicians are constantly rated as among the most Un-Trustworthy people. So how come so many people actually believe every promise they make for when they become president? They should know that they are just going to prove the same point once again.

   OK, OK. I'm sorry I yelled "Get a room!" when your grandmother was hugging your grandfather's casket.

   After spending any time on social media you can understand why they need to write "Do Not Eat" on silica packets.

   If a trip to Golden Corral doesn't make you pro-choice, nothing will.

   Dating Red Flags: She shows you the "good behavior" pin she received in group therapy.

   Public Pool Etiquette: Before urinating, one must raise one's hand and flab one's wrist as to alert others to vacate the pool.

   "The system is rigged." --Bernie Sanders after losing at Monopoly

   Remember when Ron Paul was too crazy to be President.

   Bad Inspirational Quote: Life's like a box of chocolates, you never know what you're gonna get - like anaphylactic shock for unlisted nuts.

   I don't really care about your opinion of me, but I met a dog earlier that didn't like me and it's still messing with me....

   Any body up for playing some Tennis...we can use my balls.!

   If somebody just joined Facebook now either their 10 year prison stint is over or they're newly separated.

   Yahoo's search engine is just two drunk guys leaning out a third-floor window accousting passerby with your questions.

   If you think she posts a lot of photos of her pregnancy wait until that kid arrives.

   Mrs Browns Lovely daughter must have a lovely daughter of her own by now shouldn't she ?

   The number 867-5309 has been disconnected .

   Am I the only person who thinks that Walmart is missing out on a major opportunity by not having a Golden Corral at all of their stores?