Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Jill Stein and Jenny McCarthy walk into a bar. They spend the entire night trying to talk people out of doing shots.

   Watched Ant-Man today. Now I'm hoping the roach I flushed down the toilet wasn't on some kind of secret mission.

   Kids these days call it "Pokemon Go" I used to call it "dropping a little too much acid and chasing the neighborhood cat around".

   I will throw an old lady in front of me to avoid being seen by someone I know at the grocery store.

   If my boss interrupts my nap one more time I'm going to HR.

   Working in an office at a desk is very bad for your heart. To combat this, walk outside and take a smoking break as much as possible.

   Hillary Clinton. A modern-day Hood Robin. Robs from the poor to give to herself

   My autocorrect just changed "hiatus" to "hi anus" on this email subject line to my boss, so I guess I don't work here anymore.

   When I talk to myself,,, it's probably medically classified as Tourette's.

   It used to be only captured criminals covered their faces with their jackets... Now it's people telling pollsters how they're going to vote.

   Remember,,, When one door opens, another one opens, and then another, and another.... Because kids.

   I made food for my son, set it in front of him like he was going to eat it and then we just laughed and laughed.

   I'm beginning to think that this election scenario has turned into our own version of the "Kobayashi Maru"

   I'm a nervous wreck about this election, because I'm too rude to live in Canada

   What's so bad about the Zika virus anyway? Some people like a little head.

   OMG I'm so happy! I finally won one of the 350 PS4's that were being given away. I also won one of Dodge Chargers that couldn't be sold and were being given away to random people, and my Dream RV is on its way all for pushing "like" and "share".

   I have decided to stop paying my psychiatrist. I can post my problems on Facebook, and have all my friends help me for free!

   Ancient ad featuring a very young Rolling Stones singing. Because of their age now, they should call their next shows the "Snap, Crackle, and Pop Tour".

   America paid Bill $500,000 a year to screw Monica. Guess who Hillary is gonna screw...

   They say that we are what we eat. That means that I am cheap, easy and ready in 2 minutes!