Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   The government is behind the whole "60 is the new 40" thing so they can raise the retirement age to 92.

   I can’t wait until they come out with Oreo flavored Oreos.

   Sausage Party is expected to break the box office record for R-rated animated movies, which currently stands at $800.

   Hope Solo is my least favorite Star Wars character besides Jar Jar Binks.

   Reminder: You have 50 Facebook events you never said you're interested in today.

   3 Important Events In A Man's Life: 1) Losing his virginity. 2) Getting married. 3) First time he wears a t-shirt in a whirlpool.

   Updated Nursery Rhyme: Mary had a Chevy truck, it was so very slow, and everywhere that Mary went, her truck would need a tow.

   Wife: You realize it's not Guinness Book of Whirl Records... [Me spinning furiously in an office chair]: Says you.

   Rejected Olympic Events: Javelin Catch... Jello Shotput... Border Fencing... Cardboard Boxing... Menstrual Cycling... Salad Tossing... Wrestling Demons...

   I.S.I.S says if America elects Hillary the will donate $2 million to the Clinton Foundation and have Bill speak at their next function for another million.

   IS says is America elects Hillary the will donate $2 million to the Clinton Foundation and have Bill speak at their next function for another million.

   Any man believes in freedom of speech at least for themselves.

   There is something I really like about women's beach volleyball but I can't put my finger on it.

   Hillary wears them long pant suits because she dosent have the typical "Camel Toe". She has what some people call "Moose Foot"

   Shoutout to the American voters for narrowing our options down to the jerk from 'The Apprentice' and the inspiration for 'House of Cards'

   Hope Solo should have the "Shut the Hell Up" special for dinner tonight.

   My debit card isn't the only thing I wanna tap tonight.

   I haven't seen one medal awarded at the Olympics for participation.

   If you mean Elmer Fudd singing "Kill the Wabbit", then yes, I do like Opera.

   I'm going paperless at home but it's presenting a real problem in the bathroom.