Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   My kid just called Child Protective Services because he still has an iPhone 5S.

   ITT Tech shutting down, which is a bad sign for other fake schools like University of Phoenix, Devry University, or Texas A&M.

   High School In 5 Words: Wore helmet. Didn't play football.

   You don't have to brush your teeth nearly as often when you're in a long distance relationship.

   I feel bad for whichever government employee has to monitor me, as me vacuuming alone looks like a movie directed by David Lynch.

   Nordstrom is a Swedish word that means “1 for the price of 2.”

   If Matt Lauer asks Tim Tebow about Aleppo it could break the internet.

   Pokemon Go is coming to the new Apple Watch, which should double the speed at which I no longer care about either.

   As a parent 40% of your time raising a teenager is threatening to take their bedroom door off the hinges....

   Ann Coulter called "c*nt" 19 times during the 2 hour Comedy Central roast. Less than she's used to over a 2 hour period, but still a lot.

   Taylor Swift & Tom Hiddleston split. What?!?! No one saw this coming except her label which began cover art for her new album the night they kissed.

   Matt Lauer got his journalism degree in a Bazooka Joe comic.

   Q-Tips. The only product that warns you against its only use.

   Gave this girl my number and now she won't stop texting me. "Your table is ready. Please check in with the host." Geez....give me some space.

   Not do be outdone by the iPhone 7, Samsung announced today that their new phone will have a slightly less exploding battery.

   Did you know, The White House was almost the Mauve House if not for a mix up at Sherwin-Williams.

   Putin has an 82% approval rating. The other 18% will be dead soon.

   "We are closer now to WW3 than we have ever been before" That was a news headline. Obviously we are closer now, thats how time works.

   Besides illegal immigrants, Hillary also has a lot of supporters that died along time ago.

   There should be a fourth option when voting for a president. It should be NONE OF THE ABOVE. If "NONE OF THE ABOVE" wins majority vote, all candidates should be disqualified and we have a do-over