Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   If you paid to watch the Goldberg vs. Brock Lesnar WWE fight ... GET A REFUND !

   I've noticed that if you remove the vowels from the word "FEMALE" it spells FML.

   Indi@n people win spelling bees, Jeopardy championships, and collegiate scholarships. They know everything...except the existence of deodorants.

   Election still got you down? It could be worse. You could be a conjoined twin with a g@y brother who has a date and you're the only one with an @$$.

   My neighbor finally put up his #Christmas lights today. I bet he's mad that I beat him to it. I put mine up three years ago.

   'When we were kids, we didn't have Pokemon Go. If we wanted to look for things that weren't there, we would get stoned like normal people.'

   The election has been over nearly 2 weeks and this krap is still going on. Get back to the funny!

   Being know as a instigator, I'm gonna add "Being thankful we survived Obama' to the thanksgiving blessing just to get the fun going.

   *at starbucks.. ME: Can I take some wifi home with me?... BARISTA: Um,,, sure?.... ME: (holds tupperware container in the air & closes lid) ... Thanks.

   I think I have this figured out .... politicians are a bunch of rich people convincing poor people to vote for the rich people by telling the poor people that the "Other" rich people are the reason they are poor.

   I'd like your post or photo but you did and now I think you're an idiot...

   *God creating dogs,, GOD: These will be great companions for people... ANGEL: An excellent creation sir... GOD: But better than people.. Just, WAY better... esp. during election season

   Pence should consider himself lucky....worse has happened with presidents at theaters

   What the heck is Pizzagate? In any case it makes me hungry, I'll have mine with anchovies.

   I pity those who feel the need to brag about themselves to get people's attention. I hate them more than when my supermodel wife puts a scratch on one of my Lamborghinis.

   when hitler rose to power, there were no memes to stop him.

   Cashier: Your total is $2,334.00... Me: Can you take off the avocado?... Cashier: Okay, that will be $2.00.

   Mike Pence shouldn't get so upset that some Democr@ts booed him at the theater. After all don't forget that Democr@ts loudly booed G0D at the DNC convention on Sept 5th 2012.

   My Gf .. It's all waxed, polished and ready for tonight....now for the car

   Everyone done going turkey hunting in the frozen section ?