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Yes ... Stop burning the US flag..... But ALSO stop waving the Mexican flag in America because that's disgusting af 
I establish dominance in a relationship by being a man.
At the Dr. office today. Either someone is wearing cotton candy scented lotion or a #unicorn peed in this corner.
Kanye West 'hospitalised in Los Angeles'. Our thoughts and prayers go out at this difficult time to the hospital staff.
A cigarette shortens life by 2 min,a beer shortens life by 4 minutes,a Monday at work shortens life by 8 hours
ou do Waiters in the Restaurant always ask you as soon as you enter,"Would You Like a Table Sir?” … “No not at all, I came to the Restaurant to eat on the ground. Carpet for 5 please.”
My personal trainer says that I need to start eating healthier. I guess this means I have to start adding lettuce & tomato to my burgers
You know it's going to be a crappy day when it starts with sneezing while brushing your teeth
If my "check Fuel" light would just "check my wallet"....It would know there's nothing I can do about it
Being a Man is great until you hear a noise late at night and your wife makes you realize that you are the one who is supposed to go investigate
My first childhood Lesson was that if you dream you're having a piss, you are most likely having a piss
Running away doesn't help you with your problems, unless your problem is obesity
"When did we first meet?" if we had sex the first I could recall otherwise dont waste my time !
The Constitution is Good
WHAT IS THAT ? A TWISTED SISTER PIN, ON YOUR UNIFORM !
I've always wanted to be one of those people who laughs all the way to the #bank, instead of one who cries every time he leaves.
Not to be outdone by the new "Coca Cola Selfie Bottle", CHARMIN is announcing their new "We're on a Selfie Roll!" bathroom tissue product. Now you can turn those boring old bathroom selfies into "Action Selfies"!
Obama is Evil!!!!
Are you still making frozen jokes? Let it go
The Only Sabbath that matters is Black !
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