Funny Status Messages

   I wish I had a lower I.Q., so that I could enjoy your company.

   Let's go some place were we can each be alone

   Boston fans always bring up the total team salary of New York when the Yankees lose, yet they never mention Red Sox have MLB's 2nd highest payroll and still failed to qualify for playoffs. Translation = Yankees spend wisely, Red Sox do not. Case rested.

   Refuses to comment on the grounds that it might incriminate me.

   "Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research."...Wilson Mizner

   I took my dog for a walk and played Frisbee with her, but she was useless. I really need to get a flatter dog. :)

   going crazy. Wanna join?

   Game set match = tennis : set match run = arson.

   flooding newsfeeds with youtube videos....

   ...the good news: the Rangers are going to the Finals!! the bad news: wrong Rangers :(

   I am constantly washing my hands just in case I am required to deliver a baby in a broken elevator.

   has just killed thier relationship asking "is it in?"

   Sometimes a big fish in a small pond is just a fat guy in a baby pool.

   Micheal Jackson was as straight as curly fries.....

   if I was a squirrel, and you were a tree I would store my nuts in your hole.

   I must be lost. I thought paradise was further south.

   taking a trip to the "far side" today.. Yes.. I am going to Wal-Mart..

   Wanted, Teenager owners manuel for models 1993 thru 1996. Must be kid tested and mother approved.

   My girlfriend got f**ked by a clown before we dated. So I have some pretty big shoes to fill.

   Laundry, my old nemesis…so we meet again. And I see you have brought your sidekick, Dirty Dishes with you. Well played evil villian, well played.