Funny Status Messages

   I think I see a light at the end of the tunnel...Just hopeing it's my friends with a 2 million watt spotlight and not a train....

   wondering why Texas is flying it's flag all over the country of Chili?

   : Snowwhite sleeps with 7 men, Tarzan is half naked, Cinderella comes home after midnight, Pinocchio always lies, Aladin is the king of thieves, Batman drives 200 mph, That's what they teach us as kids... no wonder we f*ck up sometimes....

   The bigger they are, the harder they hit.

   It's always awkward when you run into your ex with a car.

   I raised an eyebrow once. He's an adult now, and he never calls or visits.

   so drunk , I thought my toothpaste was astronaut food....

   silence is golden, but duct tape is silver

   saying, i'm not moody, just don't want to talk to you every wed and fri..

   kids learn from fairy tales. like goldilocks and 3 bears teaches us that you can sneak into people's place, eat their food, break their furnituer and sleep in their beds as long as you can run fast and you are blond!

   Goldilocks was an illegal alien

   The best things in life are free...for now, wait until the government finds a way to tax you on that!

   I will never be led to believe there is someone who won't betray you under any circumstance. Learning otherwise is a lesson learned with great pains.

   Stevie Wonder's Twitter update was hilarious. it said," ahdshewsd€yts".

   I would love to start working out, but I'm beefing up for my "before" picture.

   thinking up new and creative ways to kill zombies.

   My tan has got a bit outta hand, the white man always called me indian squaw SNOOKI that's all I ever heard SNOOKI how I learned to hate the word SNOOKI she's no good they warned, the other children always laughed at me give her a grenade she's a SNOOKI

   Gangsta rap made me do it

   You need space? WOW. I never knew you were an astronaut.

   wants to remind you this Halloween, that as a general rule, don't solve riddles that open portals to Hell