Funny Status Messages

   how come the nesquik rabbit can drink his milk while the trix rabbit can't eat his food?

   If you only have one photo on you're Facebook you are either a spammer, or a loser, either way don't request me as a friend.

   Cookie Monster: People ask me what me favorite kind of cookie, but me no can choose! Me equal opportunity eater.

   The first couple to be shown in bed together on prime time television were: Fred and Wilma Flintstone.

   A woman walked into the pharmacy and asked for some batteries. The pharmacist gestured with his index finger and said,"Come this way." The woman replied, "If I could come that way, I wouldn't need the batteries!"

   "I like" IF EVERYONE stops writing where they "like it" ... thank you!

   Did you know that no two farts are exactly alike? It's true. Farts are sort of like snowflakes in that regard. Little, invisible, smelly, snowflakes.

   The first time I got drunk, I threw up in a neighbor's silverware drawer. I just closed it and never looked back.

   Call off the search for Waldo. I think this large man on the bus, wearing a red and white striped hat, ate him.

   - David Cameron says `Your country needs you` ....... No David , this country needs you to Fu@k Off ! You posh wanker ...

   I was escorted out of the funeral before I was done high fiving everyone.

   I hate how the iPhone auto-corrects "f**k that" to "yes, dear".

   9 out of 10 men smell their finger after scratching their nuts

   In life, it seems the group of people who are easily offended and the group of people who are easily confused tend to be the same group.

   I am imperfection perfected.

   The computer just crashed and erased all the work I didn't do this morning.

   Dude that girl that was at the party is dating a little person. He just came in with a mini keg and I laughed at him then he flipped me off with a little person finger and I laughed harder and they made me leave. come and get me...

   i undressed him with my eyes

   chloraseptic tastes like the smell of a new shower curtain

   slowly going insane... just to get away from all these normal ppl... O.o