Funny Status Messages

   "In elementary school, in case of fire you have to line up quietly in a single file line from smallest to tallest. What is the logic? Do tall people burn slower?"

   No word in the English language rhymes with month.

   Error: Keyboard not attached. Press F1 to continue.

   Teamwork is essential - it allows you to blame someone else.

   you never really realise how sexy a nerd, dork or tomboy can be until you see them in a Halloween Costume.."

   I didn't lose my keys this time, I lost the whole d*mn car!

   Don't make the same mistake your parents did...Use birth control! ;)

   Why worry about the world ending today, Its tommorow in Japan.

   These pills aren't addictive - I've been taking them for years.

   The best wife to have is somebody else's.

   I know you, what's your name???

   You are so funny, but looks aren't everything!!

   Next dude I see on my newsfeed with a shirtless mirror pic is being defriended.. I dont care who you are

   I don't know why people say that pornography is degrading to women. They're not the ones sat in front of a laptop with their trousers and pants round their ankles at three o'clock in the afternoon. I like this!

   "No I'm not a Jonas, brother I'm a grown up. No I'm not a virgin I use my cahonas." Jay-Z

   Lets face it tubby....YOUR FAT ! I am not going to sugar coat it,...cause you eat that to .

   I work hard for the money......maybe someday I'll get to see it and enjoy it.

   If I give you a nickel will you tickle my pickle

   Had a great massage the other day, but I think I confused my masseuse by asking her for an "ambiguous, european-cinema-style ending."

   I wanna be a workaholic.. but workahol tastes like sh!t