Funny Status Messages

   The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.

   I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.

   I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth. ;)

   If you can't be a good example, then you'll just have to serve as a horrible warning.

   I have a computer, a vibrator and pizza delivery. Why should I leave the house?

   How do I set the laser printer to stun?

   Unless you want to f*ck me, why do you care what I look like?

   It's alright, he's only choking!

   Now lookie here, you big, orange, Moby D*ck!

   If I were you, I'd get a red nose and some big shoes and call it a day.

   Why don't YOU watch where I'm going?

   Please do not shoot the pianist. He is doing his best.

   It sounds like English, but I can't understand a word you're saying.

   We No Speak Americano, we speak Canadiano

   Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.

   Why don't you slip into something more comfortable? Like a coma.

   I left my cross-eyed girlfriend today. The b*tch was seeing someone else.

   I know there are boy ladybugs, but what do you call them?

   Why Is It That People Always Point At Their Wrists When Asking For The Time? Do They Think I Don't Know Where My Watch Is?

   The Only Gracious Way To Accept An Insult Is To Ignore It. If You Can't Ignore It, Top It. If You Can't Top It, Laugh At It. If You Can't Laugh At It, It's Probably Deserved. ;)