Funny Status Messages

   I've learned not to be picky in farewells... They aren't guaranteed or promised... You are lucky, more than blessed, if you get a goodbye at all...

   Value has a value ONLY if its value is valued . . .

   You know the incredible thing about hearts is their unbelievable capacity for forgiveness... You'd be amazed what people will overlook when they love someone...

   Welcome to psychoville...!!!!!!!!!!!

   Live your life and forget your age...

   It's not that I'm so smart , it's just that I stay with problems longer

   Water and cereal dont mix

   bell out of order, please knock

   Scrw you recommended serving size. You don't know me.

   Why would you want a camera on the iPad? That's like taking pictures with a clipboard!

   The man in front of me is buying a pregnancy test. I bet this is the one time in his life, he wishes she sent him for tampons.

   "It's impossible," said pride. "It's risky," said experience. "It's pointless," said reason. "Give it a try," whispered the heart.

   Why when I go into a gym all the big girls look at me and think why is she here.... I look at them and think "Im glad I'm here now," maybe you should have been in here earlier in life and you'd be on my side...

   There was a piece of chocolate cake in the fridge and a note, "Don't eat me." Now there's an empty plate and a note, "Don't tell me what to do."

   A trip to Walmart at 3am has now convinced that the next zombie outbreak will happen. I have seen carriers of the virus but they look to have some immunity. They look and smell like the living dead but they are still very much alive.

   I'm tired of waiting to drive a flying car!

   "911, what's your emergency?" - "Quick, my dreams are dying!"

   If you think about it, puff puff pass is just like the grown up version of duck duck goose.

   If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.

   I like really dark movie theatres. That way, I don't have to buy my own popcorn.