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I never understood why guys always have their hands down their pants. Then last night I found myself watching TV with my hand in my bra. It finally occurred to me...when you've got something great, you want to hold onto it. 
you move on because theres nothing else you can do
If he was stupid enough to walk away, be smart enough to let him go
sometimes You'll blame a new love for things an old one did.
The fact that I have a Southern accent, doesn't make me stupid.
You know you're a mother when you hide in the bathroom to be alone!
A man gets on a plane with 6 kids. The flight attendant asks, "Are these your kids?" The man replies, "No, I work for Trojan and these are customer complaints!"
I really hope I don't get abducted by aliens. I haven't learned to speak Spanish yet!
how can the world end in 2012 if I have a yogurt that expires is 2013?
Setting a trap for the tooth fairy. chalk, string, duct tape and a little dynamite. theif should of gave me more than $1 for my tooth.....she's toast.
the only difference between a oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer is the taste
stephen hawking may be a genius, but he is not setting much of an example to kids by just sitting at his computer all day
Right now my life is like a video game I'm stuck on this level without ne cheat codes
I also propose that two gay nightclubs be opened next door to the mosque to promote tolerance in the mosque. We could call them "The Turban Cowboy"and "You Mecca Me Hot."
Interesting NFL fact: Brett Favre is the only active play to be drafted by the Confederate Army and the NFL
Cell phones are great but I wish people would select better ringtones than, "Ring, ding, dong, Ringer, Ringer, Ding, Ding, Dong..."WTF???
Do you realize that in about 40-50 years, nursing homes will be filled with old ladies with tramp stamps over their butts? I don't want to even think about the piercings.
If I ever saw an amputee getting hanged... I would just start yelling out letters!
Wouldn't you think that lego people give the perfect hand jobs!?!?!
When in doubt, whip it out..
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