Funny Status Messages

   Don't you hate it when all this hot, humid weather makes your nut sack look like batwings when they stick to your thighs? That's what Lady Ga Ga told me, too.

   Sometimes finding my car keys is harder than finding a toothbrush in England, or deodorant in the Middle East.

   since today's date is 90210 this is the closest I'm going to be to being rich, spoiled, and caucasian.

   eating breakfast at the Peach Pit since today is 90210. I mean....um....I didn't watch that show back in the day. A friend must have told me about it.

   The next time someone calls you from a withheld number just answer it and say, "hello London sperm bank. You squeeze it - we freeze it!" ... See what happens.

   Happy 9.02.10! I'll see you at the Peach Pit...

   I left a note in the coffee area at work saying I had found five bucks. I hadn't found any money, but it was worth five dollars to learn which of my co-workers is a lying douchebag.

   Whenever I get a phone call that reads, "Unknown Name" on the caller ID, I have to resist the urge to answer, "Mitchell's Abortion Clinic, you make it, we scrape it, no fetus will beat us. How can I help you today?"

   Wake up in the morning feeling like Luke Perry... Happy 90210 Day!

   ...U.S. combat in Iraq officially over. I love Pres. Obama! He's the ONLY black guy I know who's kept his withdrawal promise!

   fears Hurricane Earl, but only because it sounds like the prison nickname of a man wearing overalls who beat someone to death with a banjo.

   What do Hurricane Earl and a redneck divorce have in common? Somebody is gonna lose a trailer.

   that feeling when you are about to have sex with some hot gal you've been wanting for a long time...

   I went to see my doctor. "Doctor, every morning when I get up and look in the mirror, I feel like throwing up. What's wrong with me?" He said "I don't know but your eyesight is perfect."

   If I owned a charter fishing boat, and I assigned one of the crew to bait customer's fishing poles, would he be called "The Master Baiter?".

   Women ask for advice on what to wear and then end up wearing the exact opposite.. that's why I think Snow Pants and Leather Jackets are sexy as hell on them."

   Happy 90210

   I'm not sure what's so "outstanding" about this bill... It seems pretty ordinary to me.

   Todays date? 90210!...I'm off to the Peach Pit!

   having a hard time groing his sunflower, maby I should'nt have eaten the insides