Funny Status Messages

   Us women are stupid. We b*tch moan and yell about something not done by someone else but by the time we get done complaining we couldve done it ourselves..I'm a woman and I will never understand us

   It's time to do some stuff around the house. Sit around it... walk around it... lie around it...

   ok men, you want us women to be more like you...righ after you let me pull a bowling ball out of your azz. Now tip the valet and shut up.

   WHOA! Someone just explained to me that I don't get paid for updating my status. I'm going to miss you guys.

   Everything happens for a reason. It's just that it's always too late when we find out.

   My microwave has a button that says "STOP TIME", its probably to stop the timer but I don't touch it just in case

   I see myself as a huge fiery comet, a shooting star. Everyone stops, points up and says, "Oh look at that!" Then whoosh, and I'm gone... and they'll never see anything like it ever again... and they won't be able to forget me - ever.

   Have you ever had a fly or small bug land on your computer screen and your first reaction is to try and scare it with the cursor?

   Thanks Jason Derulo.. Without you, I would never know how to spell S.O.L.O

   doesn't want anything serious.. just a cuddle that'll lead to bigger, harder and better things :)

   playing marco polo with random people

   only popular on the internet

   Don't be a BEN brother, should have been, would have been, could have been, or might have been

   A baseball fan is a spectator sitting 500 feet from home plate who can see better than an umpire standing five feet away

   thinking.. Don't you hate it when you are having a great memory about a fantastic adventure you had as a kid and then you realise it was actually an episode of "Leave it to Beaver " ??

   home alone and just herd a noise, he is now in ninja mode...

   A baseball fan is someone who likes a seriously girly and pathetic sport.

   if you're good at something you just gotta put on your jogging shoes and run with it!!!

   Sweat Pants: Strong enough for exercising, but made for a guy to lounge on the couch and relax in.

   I like to walk around my house naked... Until my neighbors scream at me to go back inside.