Funny Status Messages

   glad to hear the penicillin worked. Better luck next time..

   Taking it to the streets, Welcome To the Revolution. God Bless America.

   i think when "the old fashioned" was invented, it was probably called "the new fangled"

   the taser is a perfect law enforcement tool. the lovechild of the nightstick, the pistol, and the car battery

   "Hi, Welcome to Abercrombie. Our sizes are; Small, X Small, Anorexic, Bulemic, and Malnourished.

   Suggested cough medicine flavor: gazpacho.

   I'll never have one of those cathartic cries. I'll just let it out in bits during sports montages.

   to AVOID any embarassing incidents...I've equipped my BEER GOGGLES with windshield wipers.

   says it's no wonder the Earth ALWAYS wins the Miss Universe Competition....No other planet has EVER entered the competition!

   children shopping for cereal are like men shopping for lingerie; they don't care which kind they get as long as they get the prize inside!!

   my armor has been a little tarnished but trust me I'm still a shinning prince.

   buying an oompa loompa on E-bay

   supports the rights of the Jedi to build a temple, but does it have to be two parsecs from the ruins of the Death Star?

   In order for three people to keep a secret, two must be dead....

   Vegetarians - My food sh**ts on your food........

   When convincing your kid to take his/her medicine, don't taste it yourself before checking the prescription info. Your kid won't understand that daddy only made himself throw up in the sink because he's allergic.

   I just read last year 4,153,237 people got married. I don't want to start any trouble, but shouldn't that be an even number?

   it is unbelievable how much hair I'm pulling outta my nose, I wonder If I can sell it to the people who make wigs...

   Whenever someone tells you to take their advice,you can be pretty sure they're not using it.

   How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign?