Funny Status Messages

   ex girlfriend just told me that my immaturity erected a barrier between us...I have no idea what she's talking about, but its so funny that she said erected.

   not mean. He/She just wasn't born with enough middle fingers to get his/her point across.

   Out of a million voices I want to be the one that is heard.

   My therapist once told me, "Sarah, no one is taking advantage of you." Feeling a bit better I asked how much was the co-pay. He said "I don't know how much do you got?"

   DINGLE BERRY: A small piece of poo clinging for dear life on the ass hair like it's the gym rope.

   BONG: what you put the flowers in when then cops drive by. lol

   always right and never wrong. The only time I thought I was wrong was when I thought I was wrong but I wasn't - I was right!!

   BAT WINGS: When you're sweaty, and your sac starts stickin to your inner thighs

   LOVE: nature's way of tricking people into reproducing

   when light turns green, it means GO not text

   WEDDING: Point at which a male's opinions become utterly worthless.

   Have you heard about that online origami store? It folded.

   ...Wyclef Jean disqualified for Haitian Presidency. Hey, that's no fair! If we elected an unqualified black man, why can't they?

   less than a God, but more than a man.

   This gallon of ice cream is a new flavor called, "Get Your Own."

   If your girlfriend's driving you crazy, it's probably because it's the only kind of driving she's good at.

   Look at it this way... If Walmart didn't exist, those people could shop ANYWHERE.

   Your eyes make the stars look like they're not shining.

   I think this person in the bank drive thru in front of me is refinancing their mortgage.

   What's this bullsh*t that Pandora is telling me that I've gone over my free music listening privileges for the month and now I have to pay a fee to listen some more?!?! This is America! And in America, Pandora should be free no matter how much you use it!