Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I bet Aaron Hernandez is hanging by a thread waiting on his guilty verdict.

   I just put my phone on airplane mode and it dragged me out of my seat

   They say there is light at the end of the tunnel. I think the bulb might be blown

   Some people say marijuana makes you dumb, but I smoke all the time and my IQ is 420.

   raisins....nonalcoholic box of wine

   Bill O'Reilly turned the No Spin Zone into the Hoe Sin Zone.

   No officer I'm not a drug mule. I just like sticking things up my butt.

   I'm waiting in vain for you... Oops typo I'm waiting in van for you...

   If you thought your life sucked after I honked at you, wait till I throw up my arms in displeasure.

   Arron Hernadez's lawyer: "Hang in there" Arron Hernadez: "will do"

   My wife is a sex object. Every time I want to have sex, she’ll object.

   Pro tip: If there's no man in the pictures, there usually isn't a man in the picture...

   My Therapist told me not to drink while I'm on my Meds but little does she know... I've been off my Meds for almost a week now!

   I eat my tacos over another tortilla. That way when stuff falls out, BOOM, another taco.

   Yesterday was the ann'y of the OKC bombing but all the pathetic national news could talk about was Aaron Hernandez and Bill O'Reilly...

   My wife said I should stop using Facebook and take her to shopping, or else she'll hit my head on keyboard, but haha who caresbggsshhdggdhbgshhnnxggsgsbbie...

   Just got scammed out of $25.00, Bought Tiger Woods DVD entitled "My Favorite 18 Holes. "Turns out it's about golf. Absolute waste of money. Pass this on so others don't get scammed.

   Boss just announced she is leaving early. What a coincidence. So am I.

   4/21 Happy National Suprise Drug Test Day!

   This Uber app is the worst dating site ever. A lot of dates but zero action...