Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I like people. I just don't want them talking to me. Or breathing near me. Or making me look up from my phone.

   I hate when my dog plays in the rain and comes in the house smelling like a hipster.

   Johnny Depp was the ultimate bad boy until he started looking like my great aunt.

   Easter egg hunts are fun but, some kids always get their eggs stolen by others. Also, I'm not allowed on the field this year.

   If it's not suitable for facebook, it's perfect for twitter.

   Pro Tip: Apply common sense for best results.

   I'm out of bacon. This is my suicide note.

   Establish your dominance with the drive-thru attendant by saying, "That completes my order" before they ask.

   We will rock you until another one bites the dust and we are the champions.

   Do you think all the giraffes sit around and watch Margaret in Nebraska give birth?

   Man I am beat! Feel like I just flew on United

   God was invented by the caveman to explain thunder and other stuff he could not explain.

   Well Easter is almost over, just saw Walmart employees putting up Christmas Decorations......

   I downloaded an APP to do my taxes. I hope it hurries.....It's running out of time........

   Those who speak charismatically does not mean they speak the truth.

   At the end of each day life should ask us, "Do you want to save the changes?"

   Fun At The Office Tip: Eat an Easter egg on the Friday after Easter, then wait for the employees to start an office pool named, "What crawled up your a$$ and died?"

   The pollen count is so high math labs are busy trying to turn their math back in to Benadryl

   The pollen count is so high meth labs are busy trying to turn their meth back into Benadryl

   I knew the fun part of my life was over when my friends started getting pregnant on purpose