Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Southwest- We beat our competition. Not you.

   Good thing that doctor wasn't wearing leggings, too.

   "16 and Applying to Colleges" -rejected MTV reality series

   Give a man a beer and he will entertain you… Hold a mans beer and he will entertain the world.

   United Airlines just released their new frequent flyer app. Easy to use, too. It's all drag and drop.

   I've been taking Viagra for my sunburn. It doesn't cure it but it keeps the sheets off my legs.

   United Airlines just received failing grade from the health department for having blood on its Chinese take out.

   Hey UNITED, my ex is flying from Atlanta to San Antonio, flight 2145 row 12, seat D. Do your thing

   I was dragged outta the Chinese All you Can Eat Buffet today because I refused to leave....

   I think I'll open a Vietnamese Restaurant and call it "Pho King Delight."

   I'd be willing to bet that the gambling addiction hotline would work better if every fifth caller was a winner.

   I switch my phone to united airplane mode and now I woke up in a hospital with a headache!

   United Airlines.... Board as Doctor, cry like a baby, leave as patient.

   I think my song is "Let It Go" because whenever I mention love, they sing it.

   I just dropped a MOABM .. mother of all bowel movements

   I can picture it now. Xi says in Chinese "look at this fat idiot attack that chocolate cake." And then the interpreter says in English "we agree that this meeting has been very useful".

   American Airlines might lose your bags but they won't kick your ass.

   there a deadbeat son-in-law of all bombs somewhere complaining about his mother-in-law of all bombs?

   For now on, should United airlines lose a passengers baggage. That passenger has a right to kick a$$ on one of their employees. . .

   In the spirit of spring cleaning and Easter, I'm keeping the dust bunnies as decorations.