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There have been only two authentic geniuses in the world, Willie Mays and Willie Shakespeare. — Tallulah Bankhead 
The phrase "fake news" is getting just as annoying as "wazzz-uuuuup"
Tony Romo threw in the towel today, even that was intercepted.
North Korea fired a Ballistic missile today. Guess they're out of Ballistic missiles now .
If governments are so worried about controlling addictive substances why aren't there laws about Nutella yet?
The President's old Ferrari sold at auction for $270,000. It would've sold for more but it had some pre-existing conditions.
Congrats to NJ Transit trains, for going more consistently off the rails than a Sean Spicer press conference.
Bill O'Reilly and Bill Cosby walk into a bar. Everyone immediately covers their drinks in fear.
I'm tired of being the giver in all my relationships and I am going to turn that around starting today. So, what are you going to do for me, Klondike Bar?
When a man says he'll do anything for a woman, he means slay dragons and rescue her from castle towers. Not wash dishes and clean out the basement.
The first rule of rich, powerful, white guy club is we didn't do anything wrong because we are rich, white and powerful.
Russia doesn't have to do what the UN wants. Not when they have videos of their ugliest call girls peeing on our ugliest President.
If you think your microwave spying on you is bad… Your vacuum cleaner has been gathering dirt on you for years.
The only way you tards are gonna push Hillary through now is with a time machine.
Kinda odd that Bill Clinton screwed everything but wont do Hillary.
I'm shocked Barry Manilow announced he's gay. I thought he was dead.
Fox News .. we put the @ss in seaxual harassment.
Hillary and Barry Obama are going to have matching ankle braclets after federal prison.
In the 2020 election, remember... Bernie is with her...
Alternate use for bags - Make democrats fu.ckable
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