Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Oh good YouPorn put up all their Easter themed porn.

   One time in 6th grade me and my friend got to an Easter egg hunt early and switched all the candy in the eggs with mustard and ketchup.

   There’s no such thing as a non-terrifying Easter bunny costume.

   I went from fat to fit ... but only on the "how do you compare physically to the President" scale.

   Never give up on your dreams. You can go from Slovakian call girl to First Lady if you put your mind to it.

   Kids consider “it’s bedtime” like it’s the first offer in the negotiation process.

   Why is a bus like a garbage truck? It makes frequent stops to pick up the trash.

   am starting a go-fund-me page to gave a giraffe a c-section

   Earn extra cash from superstitious strangers by placing a wishing well in your front garden.

   OKAY honey don't freak out someone broke into the house, ate all the ice cream, smashed that picture of your mother, and didn't do the dishes.

   A Baby Whirlpool Bathtub "With a calming whirlpool and massaging bubbles, your infant will enjoy a luxurious spa experience at home!" (Hey, you never know when a 5 month old may need to unwind.)

   I've been wracking my brain trying to remember that movie where Joe Pesci plays a hot-tempered little tough guy.

   I'm not saying she's a slut.... but she got fired from the sperm bank for drinking on the job ..

   I only watch p.orn on 13 inch tv's. I feel better about myself.

   After today's revelations about Susan Rice, I think it's become clear that the only foreigner who meddled in the election was Obama.

   I'm not saying she's easy, but even a claustrophobic person would be okay inside her.

   Men look at a woman’s behind and think “Wow! What an ass.” Women look at a man’s face and think the very same thing.

   I'm not saying she's easy, but every time she eats a banana she automatically puts one hand behind her head.

   Menage a trois- French for disappointing two girls at the same time.

   I never follow my heart because involuntary, myogenic organs are terrible decision makers.