Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I installed an energy saving water heater this morning. It's a tankless job but somebody has to do it.

   Want to help mexicans? Forget protesting the wall. Get your family on heroin.

   Watching the news is like playing Clue. So how do you think Flynn's going to die? Bannon in the bathroom with a needle.

   The EPA is rejecting science in favor of blind faith in mega-conglomerates who prize profit over humanity. That's why it was created, right?

   Miss the days when a White House scandal only involved the Oval Office and an intern with dirty knees.

   Wonders if Mike Pence sleeps upside down from his ceiling in his house with no furniture.

   BREAKING: Mike Flynn's microwave just offered to testify in exchange for immunity.

   Hillary Clinton was caught telling the truth today.... April Fools!

   Musl/ms dont use toilet paper. Starbucks vows to hire 10,000 of them. Enjoy your coffee.

   The pinata is a great way for Mexicans to teach their kids to beat something till they get what they want.

   What's the difference between a illegal and a park bench??? A park bench can support a family

   Important life lesson learned.... you can't hide a bogger under a glass table.

   Buckwheat was asked to use dictate in a sentence. "Darla say my dictate good"

   I puked in the backseat of my friend's brand new Mustang in the Fall of 1994. There wasn't any social networking back then, so I'm telling you now.

   Every time at Subway they make you a bad sandwich, shove it in their mouth.

   Don't give me this, "Just because I accepted your friend request, it doesn't mean I'm going to sleep with you" stuff. If I had wanted to sleep with you, it would've happened already.

   All voicemails from my Dad start with "HELLO! HELLO!" and end with him trying to dial another number.

   i am starting a go-fund-me page to gave a giraffe a c-section

   I know Milk does a body good, but Damn girl how much milk you been drinking ?

   Already rolling my eyes in preparation for the 4/20 snap chats I get on Easter.