Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I live in constant fear that Columbia House is going to send the repo man to get the cd's I never paid for .

   With all the transgender BS going on. I am worried about claiming to be a man. I'm confused. . .

   The best way to teach your little kids about taxes is by eating 30% of their ice cream

   If I saved money as much as I saved porn , I'd be rich.

   Do you know is not for some people smoking Marijuana the murder rate would be a lot higher than it is.. So get high and keep the murder rate low. . .

   What if the first man to try and drink Milk from a cow had mistakenly picked a bull ?

   I told my wife I wanted a 72" TV, and the very idea made her so mad that for a second I thought I had mistakenly brought home a 72" TV.

   What are the strongest days of the week? Saturday and Sunday. The rest are weekdays.

   Steve Harvey... The happiest man in America today.

   Oh Snap..I missed the Oscars again. That makes 35 yrs. in a row now.

   Hollywood actors praising themselves...The Oscars smh

   I was never insane except that temporary moment when my heart was exposed.

   How did people get their blessings before Facebook was around for them to type Amen and share?

   German Scientist: "I've created a super broccoli to fight heart disease!" American Scientist: "I've created a way to stuff an Oreo inside another Oreo!"

   1. Go to Starbucks. 2. Order coffee. 3 Tell them your name is Waldo. 4 Leave.

   Moonlight not my Oscar winner. #thanksrussia #LaLaland2018

   alexa... make me a sandwhich

   LA LA Land won the popular vote.

   Lent is almost here! Time to get your Ash in church!

   Me: You are always so argumentative. Wife: No I'm not. Me: See?