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My wife said she wanted to watch Naked and Afraid. So I got naked and she got afraid. FML. 
My doctor prescribed me some suppositories for my nausea. They’re not the best medicine in the world, but they’re right up there.
A woman with her tongue pierced reminds me of Microsoft. When you can’t do it right, throw more hardware at it.
You know those adorable idiosyncrasies you loved about your spouse when you first dating? Well, after 30 years of marriage they become what the police refer to as "motive".
you know, you all should have went out and voted for Hillary... We damn near had the blacks back to picking cotton... smh
Wow. Dramatic drop in crime today.
Cant wait till tomorrow so the Mexican hookers go back to work.
Taco Bell is PACKED today.
SNL is going to be 2hrs long this week!
WOW ... It was actually easy to go to Home Depot today.
Does anyone else think that maybe the bright side could be self-conscious?
One man's trash is another man's profile picture.
User "Anonymous" you are the most annoying person on earth. If there is anything wrong or negative to say to anything you are the man! Get a life or at least a job…
The real Troll Hunter is a stupid, little shy guy without any self-confidence who has a big flap on the internet and at home he is sitting while peeing… because his mom told himso
OH there's nothing quite as funny as poster's tossing insults instead of comic relief....
I wish I could feel as happy as an adult,, as I felt as a kid when the teacher wheeled in the TV during class
I have good taste, I just don't have the money to prove it.
Wanna meet me at Taco Bell? The Day Without Illegal Migrants means we'll get plenty of sauce packets and napkins.
That whole day without immigrants was just as bad as Y2K
Most immigrants still have a lot to learn about America. Like, if you're going to take a day off, take Friday, not Thursday...
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