Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   How to make a woman go mmmmmmm all nite long? …………………….. with Duct Tape

   I stopped talking back to the voices in my head, and now they’ve started texting me…

   FBI released photos of the suspects in the Boston bombing today. I hope a good American that knows them will report where tthey can pick up their corpses.

   I dont make love, I slam women like a fridge door with no beer in it.

   If you don't like my Facebook updates, please feel free to delete me and solely visit your friends' pages where the "big news" of the day is when one of their grandkids finally took a $h!t all by themselves.

   Boobs are to men what laser pointers are to dogs.

   If you workout and don't post a status about it on Facebook, do you still lose weight?

   I'm the one who has a problem eating a Popsicle like a normal human being. An my name is Dan.

   think comcast went back to dial up today...... just saying

   I facebook the way I cook; I can, but I don't.

   When filling out a resume, is "Facebook friends" capitalized? Asking for a friend....

   I hit a new low today. I used a cheat code on "The Biggest Loser Ultimate Workout" on my XBox Kinect

   It's so nice to come home and relax with Facebook after a long day at the office playing on Facebook.

   If you go shopping at Walmart and no one stares at you as you walk by, you're one of them

   Where would you like me to stick it. The Yapper,,, the Crapper,,,,,or the Flapper!?

   What did the Peanut say to the Walnut? I'll cashew later.

   You know your phone is old, when you have Myspace as a default application.

   the number of people watching you is directly proportional to the stupidity of you action. :)

   Complain that you are bored and I will ignore you like I am busy.

   I'm trying to be black so bad, I went out and got a white wife.