Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   It isn't considered littering if you throw your beer cans out the window after spotting the police. I call it disposal of evidence but the law calls it tempering with the evidence.

   I will take a dose of my own medicine...But I will also chase it with a shot of tequila.

   nothing makes you a hypocrite like becoming a parent...

   it sucks when you forget to shake the ketchup and you get the gross juice all over your fries..

   I bet the man who discovered milk felt awkward when he had to explain why he was doing that to a cow in the first place...

   I've dated a vegetarian, trust me, they put meat in their mouth.

   I will not only make you say my name, I will also make you spell it!

   I know every day is a gift, but where's the receipt for Mondays? I want to exchange it for another Friday.

   I don't like it when peoples toes look too fat for their toe nails. Sick.

   Orlando: The next spic ruined part of Florida.

   I bet John Lennon would have loved online transactions. Imagine all the PayPal...

   Opportunity may knock only once, but temptation leans on the doorbell.

   Your girlfriend will blow you once she sees her sister do it.

   Just made up my own personal yoga pose called "Downward Life Spiral".

   Pollen? Web MD says I have Funky Cold Medina.

   The wind just blew a plactic bag away from me at this table and down the sidewalk. "That one's on you, Mother Earth."

   "I know, baby, I'm lonley too" I whiper to the no show sock as we search for its mate.

   Perpetually looking for things I misplaced.

   "I had one stuffy nostril and one runny nostril..." is how I'm starting tonights suicide note

   it's so expensive being a woman. I know because I have financed a few.