Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   In Criminal Court, You See Bad People at Their Best; In Family Court, You See Good People at Their Worst

   ProTip: Get hoarders addicted to crack,,, they'll sell off all their crap.......... Boom, problem solved.

   Yeah,, I've tried boxers before,, but everytime I ran, it felt like someone was shooting dice in my pants..

   If what I just did in that Koreatown restaurant bathroom gets back to Kim Jong-un,, we're all doomed

   I got a verbal restraining order from the Costco sample lady. Apparently I can't be within 50 ft of a sample cart anymore.

   Hey John Mayer sorry you recently went through a breakup. Here, listen to this John Mayer song to help get you through it.

   Kim Jong Un should fire whoever came up with this years North Korea tourism advertising idea.

   I just booked my Spring Break vacation in North Korea! I can't believe the cheap deal I got!!

   The guy at the carwash just handed me a coupon for a "Free Wax Job"... Things sure backfired after I told him I'd like a Brazilian.

   Most people have 32 teeth. Some have 10............................... It's actually pretty elementary meth

   I can't believe you brought to this restaurant that doesn't have any liquor. What am I suppose to eat!?

   I don't remember seeing anything in the Bill of Rights that says you can't get rid of the people who use guns in criminal act. Yup....Now , about that budget ... . .

   Walmart has made plans to hire 100,000 U.S. Veterans. Which can only mean one thing...... Walmart is going to invade Target.

   Wait now. It's OK to show g a why couples kissing but not a beautiful woman. That's BS!

   Sometimes You have to realize that ......( some people can stay in your HEART without being in your LIFE ) ......

   Dont say you miss her when youre the reason why she left ...#TeamNoGoingDownTown

   We all have someone at work we make fun of. If you don't, its you.

   This rum tastes way better hiding on isle 5 in the grocery store drinking it

   Insomnia is very common. Try not to lose any sleep over it.

   Marriage is the only war, during which, you sleep with the enemy.