Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Telling a woman to calm down while she is drunk works about as well as baptizing a cat.

   Stop talking.... Listen.... Maybe you're the problem.

   I found some dignity. If no one claims it in 24 hours, I'm keeping it.

   it's better to lose a lover than to love a loser

   people who text hey and then say nothing after you respond are seriously demented

   If I ain't invited to dinner I could care less about what you made!

   Pollen count is so bad this year....the crackheads are trying to convert their meth back to sudafed

   For all those gals that say, "All guys are the same": who told you to try them all..

   Good News! We just got our taxes done and we'll be getting a refund! It should be just enough to pay for getting our taxes done! ツ

   Shout out to pizza for giving me shin splints... Indirectly, but still.

   if crackheads smoked meth, they'd be methheads... duh.

   I wonder if Chinese people put smileys like this ¦)

   New diet idea. Have someone break your heart.....don't eat for 3 months

   I just launched a new fragrance ! - a great way to announce a fart

   Sometimes I like to order my food "to go" then eat the whole thing at the counter while staring the cashier right in the eye

   Anyone got a hand basket? I gotta go somewhere.

   If we took all of the guns out of video games, Oregon Trail would just be a poor family with dysentery watching their oxen die.

   I have a great name for a dating site which pretty much sums the whole thing up in a nutshell...Desperate Losers.

   Seriously. Don't you just love it when someone hits you up on facebook chat and your WiFi goes out?

   I don't always hit women, but when I do....it's to smack it, flip it and rub it down.