Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   If you love someone, buy a bouncy castle. No one would leave you if you own a bouncy castle.

   Due to recent developments in the love market, my emotional trust funds are temporarily frozen.

   Apart from paying bills and feeling tired all the time, adulthood is not that great.

   3 shots of vodka can erase 8 hours of rage in 15 minutes. That’s all the math you really need to know.

   How do Mexicans cut their pizza? With Little Ceasars *drops mic, Harlem shakes off stage*

   I'm planning a romantic evening...I'm taking my liver to Happy Hour tonight.

   I can tell a lot about a person by the way they tell a lot about themselves.

   Our kids are losing their imagination....hopefully soon they will have an app for that!!

   You say you don't need to drink to have fun. All I'm hearing is designated driver.

   My girlfriend says she plans to have sex tonight. I sure hope I'm invited.

   Chemists do it on the table...periodically.

   Hug a tree. Then rub your hands along it's trunk and tell it how knotty it is.

   Dear Syria, Hope you are regretting not to be in limelight thesedays-N.Korea

   Companies and money-hungry capitalists are ruining Facebook with their advertising and snooping.

   As long as it comes with great packaging, there's nothing wrong with inner beauty.

   To this day the clown in Poltergeist creeps me out

   You can tell its getting warmer out. The first mullets of spring have appeared.

   Sitting on the plane. Stewardess said pilot passed out can somebody fly the plane? Took me almost 10 hours just to get it off the runway.

   Got some stain remover that takes out grass, urine, sweat, coffee, and lipstick stains. Sounds like quite an evening.

   Will tell jokes for Bitcoins!