Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Only thing good about "good morning" is the breakfast tacos

   One man’s LOL is another man’s WTF.

   I've seen enough episodes of "Cops" to know that you should avoid all people with blurry faces....

   There's someone out there for everyone. (The motto of hideous people the world over.)

   Men say women should come with instructions. Hello! When was the last time you saw a guy read the instructions?

   Oral sex does not mean talking about it.

   Own any thing you want, but don’t let any thing own you.

   just dipped a banana into a jar of natural peanut butter and the end broke off and sank to the bottom. ...just in case anyone wants to get me a new jar of peanut butter ...or some meds ...or a life.

   I’m not surprised you’re having problems I had a bad experience with your reality once too.

   Self Righteousness is a form of guilt that arises from discrimination

   My neighbours were listening to some pretty cool music until the arseholes asked me to turn it down.

   I hope I can still remember the dance to Thriller when I become a Zombie.

   Just when you want to be a good person again , someone new to stalk shows up.

   I'm such a giving person; if cannibals were cooking me, I'd give them tips on how to make me more tender.

   I'm sorry your internet boyfriend cheated on you. I hope your husband will dry your tears.

   Thinking that a woman will never cut your heart out and slice it into cute little pieces for her next lover is so cute and naive.

   I'm fully clothed and still look hotter than all these h0es dressed like it's 95 degrees

   so they wait till next year has officially begun

   MLM’s such as "Nerium Internationa"l are the modern day equivalent of snake oil peddlers

   party at my house bring booze then leave.