Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   If you get carried away, just promise to take me with you.

   Haha! Some guy told me he doesn’t go down on his girlfriend and she doesn’t complain. I told him it’s because someone else does.

   I hope the Finding Nemo sequel Finding Dory involves child protective services because this is getting ridiculous.

   THE WORST: I just spent $30 on apples at Whole Foods and then dropped both of them!

   I just remembed why I rarely post on FB..... As soon as I put a joke up, someone takes it seriously.

   Did you know that if you decapitate a vegan,, they can continue to talk about being a vegan for up to another 6 minutes?

   How the hell do you call Batman during the day? A: the bat phone, duh

   Justin Bieber's music is actually really good!...Once you turn the volume down all the way.

   Phone case designs are the perfect way of measuring someone's maturity level.

   To Fatty, go ahead and pull the trigger or shut up.

   To be a diplomat assigned to north korea, you had to be on someone's naughty list

   I bet when Cheetahs race and one of them cheats, the other one goes, "Man, you're such a Cheetah!" and they laugh & eat a zebra or whatever.

   Let's send Kim Kardashian to N. Korea!!

   Kim Kardashian looks like a pregnant drag queen.

   The only appointments I'm ever on time for are disappointments.

   Someone should really tell the ACM's it's COUNTRY MUSIC! Sad.

   I am about to drop some dark matter in the camode.

   I'm always surprised when heavily tattooed couples have a baby and it comes out blank

   If you preach hatred to your children,you can expect never ending bloodshed.

   NO AMNESTY!!!. Real Americans don't want it!!