Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I'm hoping to avoid a situation where I have to dance to save my own life.

   When I see a overly tan guy wearing jorts, I have to wonder if he's still making payments on that Miata.

   Just ate the last stale peep... :P

   I check your profile once a week to see if you posted a nude. Sue me

   My gym is already closed, so I guess I have to drink the weight off tonight.

   getting drunk on Saturday is like going to work on Monday. Its just something you have too do.

   I'm not Unemployed, I'm just taking my next job's vacation in advance...

   1920: "May I have this dance?" 1950: "Want to go to the drive-in?" 1980: "What's your sign?" 2012: "Here's a picture of my p eni$."

   Whipped cream is just shaving cream that does whatever it's girlfriend tells it to do...

   If you're 40 and still wearing your high school grad ring......um...no.

   I wonder if werewolves in london howl with a proper accent

   Show everyone what you're made of...with your clothes on.

   Day old pizza that's been sitting out for a day? *shrugs* *eats four pieces*

   Trying to fight my way out of a paper bag. Gonna make it best two out of three.

   The best exposure, is indecent.

   So far I've dropped three ice cubes on the floor today and no idea where they are. Gonna put on some socks so I can find em,

   Some of you even make me question my insanity.

   Yeah yeah, I'm a Grammar Nazi. Better than a Dumb Fokker.

   I was walking down the road staring at my phone & tripped over a smart car.

   My doctor asked if any members of you family suffers from insanity, I replied "nope they seem to enjoy it!"